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The power of storytelling |
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By Sharon Zohar Eckler » How was school today?’
‘Good.’
‘What did you do?’
‘Nothing.’
Does this dialogue sound familiar? Well, you’re not alone.
As countless exasperated parents have found, getting children to express themselves beyond one word answers is challenging. Getting them to describe specific details about their day is near impossible.
As parents, we spend hours trying to unlock the secrets of our child’s mind. Is she happy at school? Is he participating in class? What type of friends does she have? Did he have a fight at recess?
More often we want to know how our children are faring emotionally within the school environment. It’s more compelling to know what happened at school that affects their mood and shapes their new found views than to learn what book they read in English class. The academics are readily monitored and assessed through report cards, homework assignments and parent teacher meetings, but the social and emotional development is not as easily graded.
With school taking up more than two thirds of our child’s day we should be able to elicit a small fraction of information from them. But at best we may hear snippets over dinner and occasionally before bedtime. The long involved stories are often reserved for close friends.
The frustration in not knowing the details of our child’s day is nothing new for parents. Short of conspiring to create a truth serum to sprinkle over their breakfast cereal, we may have to accept that some things can never be uncovered. What we can do is trust them and continue to provide them with the necessary tools to go out in the world and face any and all emotional adversity. By doing so, we create independent, strong, self-confident children. How we do it is with our wits, creativity and love as we subtly guide them into strong and compassionate people.
Now the wits and love part come easy – you either have it or you don’t. It’s the creativity part that can always be improved upon. There should be no shortage of good ideas to help our children become better people. Learning from other parents, from experts and from our own children can help us achieve our goal much quicker.
There is no harm in diving into the pool of ideas and carefully selecting those that suit our families best (for what may work for one family may not work for another). It should be the responsibility of all parents to toss ideas into the well and share their experiences. Without these, we will be left alone to suffer silently trying to unlock the mystery of our child’s mind and heart.
For my part, I can offer my humble experience in the power of storytelling. While there is no new revelation in knowing that storytelling is good for your children, how it’s applied and what the outcome can be may be of value.
I have witnessed first hand that telling stories builds children’s confidence. When children hear stories, particularly stories about their family history; what happened to their grandmother during the war, where did dad go to school, how they got the scar on their cheek, they begin to develop a strong sense of belonging.
When you know where you come from, you have the security behind you to take risks and conquer adversity. You become more confident and aware of your identity. Telling children stories about themselves and their history helps them validate what they say and how they feel. Even negative stories help them cope with the ups and downs of life.
Stories ultimately teach children about assessment and appraisal. How good or bad is something. They evaluate situations, take it into their own experience and make it unique. These are the first steps in creating independent, confident children.
So the next time you sit around the dinner table or tuck them into bed, tell them a story about what happened to Great Uncle Al.
You may find the next time you pick them up from school and ask them how their day was, you might be pleasantly surprised to hear a long and involved story. |
